Hearse driver sacked for losing coffin
A Dutch funeral director has sacked a hearse driver for losing a coffin on the way to a funeral.
The driver was on his way to a cemetery in Amsterdam when the back door of his hearse suddenly opened and the coffin fell out.
The driver did not notice anything amiss and he carried on to the cemetery, leaving the coffin in the middle of the road, reports Het Parool.
A bus that was following the hearse pulled up and the driver stopped to pick up the coffin - but not before the incident was spotted by a rival undertaker who phoned the hearse driver's boss.
"I thought he made a joke," said hearse driver Lucien Van Wijngaarden. "But when I went back I saw it was indeed my coffin."
Mr Van Wijngaarden was sacked by his company, PC Uitvaartvaartzorg, for failing to show sufficient respect for the dead.
(Ananova News)
Monday, August 18, 2003
Woman demands sex after throwing clothes from cab window
A German taxi driver called police when a blonde passenger stripped naked and asked him for sex.
The 30-year-old threw her clothes out of the back window as the car passed through Hamburg city centre.
The woman then climbed in to the front passenger seat and asked the married 57-year-old for sex.
He called police who traced the taxi's route, picking up the woman's clothes.
Officers then ordered her to pay the fare. A police spokesman says the driver isn't pressing charges.
Police say they told the woman to pay extra for the time the driver waited while they found her clothes.
A Hamburg police spokesman said: "The man did not want to press charges - he was happy to get the fare and get the woman out of his cab. We took down her details but we will not be taking any further action."
(Ananova News)
Wednesday, August 13, 2003
Police pour bucket of water over cavorting couple
A German couple who were caught having sex were given a cold shower by police after they poured a bucket of water over them to end their nookie.
The pair, from Luebeck, in Schleswig Holstein, were spotted making love in the surrounding gardens of a block of flats by the caretaker, who immediately called police.
Officers threw a bucket of cold water over the moaning couple, who had failed to notice the police presence.
A police spokesman said they let the red faced young couple off with a verbal warning.
According to German law, having sex out of doors is a punishable offence and can come with a fine of up to £700.
(Ananova News)
Wednesday, August 13, 2003
Man jailed for killing guinea pig he thought was a spy
A man has been jailed for 50 days for dissecting his daughter's guinea pig believing it was a government spy.
Benny Zavala, 35, who has already served the time, was also placed on three years' probation.
He was also ordered to seek psychiatric and drug counselling.
Jurors in Ventura, California, convicted Zavala of cruelty to animals for starving the animal to death and for being under the influence of methamphetamine.
"It's not often you have someone this paranoid from using drugs that they think a guinea pig is spying on them for the government," Deputy District Attorney Tom Connors said. The paranoia was apparently a byproduct of Zavala's methamphetamine use, not mental illness.
Police arrested Zavala in September 2001 after a neighbour reported he had hit the guinea pig with a screwdriver and had cut it open and ripped out its teeth.
After dissecting the animal, he called relatives and said, "The good news is guinea bleeds. The bad news is guinea's dead," Connors told jurors during the trial.
Zavala told the neighbour he thought the pet's teeth were bar-coded and that there was a camera in the animal's head.
(Ananova News)
Friday, August 8, 2003
Misdialled number leads police to drugs
Police in California found £48,000 worth of marijuana plants after a woman mistakenly dialled emergency services.
The woman, from Palm Springs, had meant to call a directory enquiries number instead.
Police said she hung up when she dialled the number and a police operator called back straight away.
But police said the person at the other end, hung up again. Two officers then went to the house and found the plants growing in a room with sophisticated lighting.
Officers also found three handguns and other weapons inside the house. A man gave police a prescription for medical marijuana, but the officers were suspicious because of the amount of plants.
The man was arrested on suspicion of cultivation and possession of marijuana for sale.
Another man who tried to run from police was arrested on suspicion of parole violations.
The woman who misdialled was not arrested.
(Ananova News)
Wednesday, August 6, 2003
US church elects gay bishop
The Episcopal Church in the US has voted to approve the election of their first openly gay bishop, Gene Robinson.
The decision risks splitting their denomination and shattering ties with their Anglican sister churches worldwide.
After a delay caused by an allegation that he inappropriately touched another man and was affiliated with a web site that had a link to porn, the Episcopal General Convention in Minneapolis approved Rev Robinson as bishop of the Diocese of New Hampshire.
Dr Robinson had been cleared of the accusations a few hours before the vote was taken.
Presiding Bishop Frank Griswold voted 62-45 to confirm Dr Robinson's election.
American conservatives and like-minded overseas bishops who represent millions of Anglicans have said confirming Dr Robinson would force them to consider breaking away from the church.
(Ananova News)
Wednesday, August 6, 2003
Singapore bans 'SEX' on the roads
Officials in Singapore have acted to stop motorists having "SEX" on the road.
The government has changed the car registration system to prevent number plates featuring rude words.
Most cars in Singapore carry a three-letter prefix starting with "S" followed by four numerical digits.
The "SD" series ended last month and it should have gone on to the "SE" series - from SEA all the way to SEZ.
But a Land Transport Authority spokesperson said it had skipped "SE" and gone straight to "SF" so that SEX would not appear on the roads.
"Last year, LTA decided not to implement the "SE_" index series and those with vowels in the middle letter of three-letter prefixes to avoid the possibility of having words in the prefix that motorists may find objectionable," the spokesperson said.
(Ananova News)
Tuesday, August 5, 2003
Man started fire to get out of sex
A man has been arrested in Croatia after allegedly starting a fire near his house to avoid having sex with his wife.
Svetin Gulisija, 26, from Seget, told police he had started the fire in woods behind his house because he was too tired to have sex with Oleandra, after working on a building site all day.
The couple had to be evacuated from the house as firefighters battled to bring the blaze under control, local media reported.
Gulisija is being held in custody pending further enquiries.
(Ananova News)
Monday, August 4, 2003
Bomb hoax 'sparked by desire to see naked women'
A Russian man allegedly made hoax calls to police about a bomb in a public spa because he wanted to see naked women being evacuated.
Police say it was women's day at the bath house in Ulyanovsk, when the hoaxer rang up with a bogus warning.
Officers say he had hoped the women would run out into the street still naked, but was disappointed to see they had all got dressed first.
They claim the 33-year-old later admitted his motive was to see naked bathers being evacuated.
He faces up to three years in jail for deliberately giving false information about an act of terrorism,
(Ananova News)
Friday, August 1, 2003
Good dancers make good lovers, says survey
Men who know how to move on the dance floor know all the right moves in the bedroom, according to a new report.
A survey of 2,000 women, commissioned by Phones 4U, has revealed the way a man dances is a dead giveaway to his performance between the sheets.
More than 80% of the women questioned said there was a definite link, and that magic movers were certain to be able to perform more than a few tricks in the bedroom.
More than half admitted to trying to get a man on to the dance floor to check out his technique before "taking the plunge".
Sex expert Flic Everett analysed the responses, taken from five UK cities, and concluded that dance floor duffers are unlikely to score highly in the passion stakes.
Flashy, over-the-top dancers are the very worst, according to 67% of women.
"They are so proud of their moves that they'll spend more time in bed making sure they look good rather than trying to please their partner," said Ms Everett.
But men who are shy on the dance floor are just as shy in bed according to 62%.
"Beware the bloke that does the side-to-side shuffle on the dance floor. Boring, unimaginative and uninspiring, he'll generate even less energy in bed," Ms Everett added.
Ballroom dancers, too, score zero in the sex stakes. They demand perfection in their partner and expect nothing less, according to the expert.
(Ananova News)
Friday, August 1, 2003
Customer: "My dial up is not working."
Tech Support: "Well, what kind of error are you getting?"
Customer: "Well, I'm not exactly sure, but it tells me my personal identification is wrong."
Tech Support: "Ok, I need you to open up the program."
Customer: "Whoa, hold on a second." (fumbling around) "Ok, I got it open. Sorry, I have the computer on the seat next to me, and I'm driving."
Tech Support: "Uh. Well, you should really pull off the road, and we need the modem plugged into a phone line."
Customer: "Ok, I'll pull off at this gas station, but I'm not sure if I can hook up to the pay phone."
Tech Support: "That's not going to work. Can you call us back when you are at a regular phone line?"
Customer: "Oh, sure, I can call you back when I get home. But can I at least check my email while I'm on the road?"
(computer stupidities)
Thursday, July 31, 2003
Customer: "I would like to buy a game for my kid."
Salesman: "Sure madam, come with me."
Customer: "Are these on floppy disks? The boxes are too light."
Salesman: "Well madam, games are not being released on diskettes any more. They are being released on CDs."
Customer: "CDs?"
Salesman: "Well, do you know the CDs with music?"
Customer: "Yes?"
Salesman: "Same thing, only it contains a PC game, and we use it in the PC, in the cdrom drive. Do you have a cdrom drive in your PC?"
Customer: "Well, I am not sure. Can I buy it and copy it on a floppy disk and use it from there?"
Salesman: "Well no madam, that's not possible."
Customer: "Why?"
Salesman: "It cannot fit in a single floppy disk. It's too small. The game is made to run from the CD and not from the floppy anyway."
Customer: "Well, I can use many floppy disks."
Salesman: "I told you madam, even if you copy it in the disks it won't work. And anyway you would need many disks to do that. Around 400."
Customer: "I think I have 400 disks in my home. How much does the game cost?"
(computer stupidities)
Wednesday, July 30, 2003
Tech Support: "Now press the spacebar."
Customer: "Return bar?"
Tech Support: "No, space bar. Space."
Customer: "I have an enter bar, return bar, and a shift key?"
Tech Support: "No, space. Space bar. The long horizontal key."
Customer: [confused sounds]
Tech Support: "Ok, see your c, v, b, n, and m keys?"
Customer: "Yes...."
Tech Support: "Right under them."
Customer: "Oh."
(computer stupidities)
Tuesday, July 29, 2003
Customer: "I just got your software in the mail...when are you sending the computer?"
Tech Support: "You don't have a computer?"
Customer: "Nope. But I have the software -- just send me the computer, and you've got a new member."
(computer stupidities)
Monday, July 28, 2003
Customer: "I just got a copy of the new software you sent us, and I'm having some problems."
Tech Support: "What seems to be the problem?"
Customer: "The disk is stuck."
Tech Support: "You mean when you lift the latch, the disk won't pop out?"
Customer: "Exactly."
Tech Support: "By any chance was there already a disk in the drive when you put this one in?"
Customer: "No! I'm not dumb."
Tech Support: "Can you pull the disk out?"
Customer: "No, the disk is too far back to be reached."
Tech Support: "What do you mean, too far back?"
Customer: "The disk is smaller than the regular disks that I normally use. It's just too far back."
Tech Support: "What size is this disk?"
Customer: "About three inches, give or take."
Tech Support: "So, you placed a 3 1/2" disk in a 5 1/4" disk drive?"
Customer: "Yeah, and now it's stuck. How do I get it out?"
(computer stupidities)
Sunday, July 27, 2003
Tech Support:"This is technical support returning your call for support. How can I help you?"
Customer:"I want to lodge a complaint."
Tech Support:"What seems to be the problem?"
Customer:"I specifically asked you not to program my Internet with pornography. I want it removed immediately."
(computer stupidities)
Friday, July 25, 2003
Tech Support:If there is anything else we can help with, please give us a call.
Customer:Well...I was wondering if you could just tell me something people ask you that is really stupid, so I don't feel like such a moron.
Tech Support:"Ma'am, you're not stupid. People aren't born with knowledge, it takes time. One of the silliest questions we get from new users is, 'Where is the any key?'
Customer:Well, DUH! Even I know where that is!
(computer stupidities)
Thursday, July 24, 2003
